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January 20, 2010
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The Heartless


A colorful image he portrayed
A warm smile put out on display
Disguising the evil game he likes to play

Care and attention he likes to show
A little affection here and your trust would grow
Making you believe in what you do not know

Understanding was what he mastered
Decieving so simply as if you were plastered
No light shines in the soul of the dark-hearted bastard

Successfully he plays their heart like violin
Hypnotising them into the shadows so no light comes in
His victims smile and fill with love unaware of the dying within

A relentless devil, he makes it look easy
He weaves his lies and his love stories are cheesy
Bare witness his true self and you will feel queasy

Go deep to his core, the soul of a monster so dark
He is the exuctioner of love and on your heart he makes his mark
Footsteps zombified on this one way journey you embark

He stands and laughs while you only see his smile
You feel protection and safety but his intentions couldnt be more vile
The blackness of his mind hidden by his manipulative style

You slip deeper into his will
Breaking then remaking you gives him his thrill
I cut into him yet no blood will spill

Hidden sin hid behind a grin
Demonic kin lies beneath his skin
The beast within believes he's just about to win

Closing the gap your path becomes short
The cycle fools you no matter the support
You fall pray to his words without a second thought

"Run! Run!" i scream praying you hear my calls
Efforts failing you as my hope weakens and falls
You drift away further down his dark and bloodied halls

You think you see his heart beating but in his chest is solid stone
So distant from us all but you are not alone
Please take my hand because i know this cannot be done on your own

My hand touches yours and your eyes snap to reality
For that second you realize he will be your fatality
Defeat he should feel but he smiles at your mentality

He watches you fill with strength, running from his whim
But he never stops laughing he knows your future's grim
On cue he sits opening his arms as you come back to him

Your eyes glaze back over into what you think is love
He has you in his hand without a push or shove
You are his victim again, you are the devils dove

You feel completion is what he brings you
But there is nothing that could be less true
Now it's almost too late, you're nearly out of view

He is evil, he is hate
He is lies, he knows your fate
He is Heartless, he opens hells gate

I speak to the devil, I tell him to go
To make him let go and leave you alone
It's like I'm the hero and he is my foe
I will not stop fighting till I'm six feet below
:iconcoreypies:
I don't normally write poems..
This is a true, heartbreaking story about one of my closest friends who I care about so much, caught in a never ending cycle of deciet which she believes to be love <//3

It hurt to write, but came out so fluently.

I wanted a picture to be drawn to go with it but i can't draw lol.
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:iconpsychoticidal:
~psychoticidal Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"Go deep to his core, the soul of a monster so dark
He is the 'executioner' of love and on your heart he makes his mark"

I really like how this reads, rhyming several words in a line yet maintaining the message without derail.

"Your eyes glaze back over into what you think is love
He has you in his hand without a push or shove
You are his victim again, you are the devils dove"

This stanza is especially appealing, visually. The contrast of the devil and a dove is also nice. Though it is unfortunate the inspiration, I must say well done.
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:iconelestra:
A few typos: 'cheesy' and 'manipulative'. Otherwise I do love it, the three-line stanzas make it very powerful and emotional.
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:iconcoreypies:
thank you very very much! :D
i will correct those mistakes thank you!
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:iconelestra:
You're welcome. :)
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:iconinvadersquall5558:
*InvaderSquall5558 Jan 24, 2010   Traditional Artist
Fantastic writing, I've gotta say!

:thumbsup::thumbsup:
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:iconcoreypies:
awhh thanks verreh much!!! :D
Reply
:iconinvadersquall5558:
*InvaderSquall5558 Jan 24, 2010   Traditional Artist
You are VERY welcome!!
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:iconatrophie:
Okay, so apparently I can't submit actual critiques because I lack a premium membership. Oh well, I'll do it here instead. P:

What makes this poem so amazing is that it comes from the heart. For poetry to be real, it has to be written that way and you did that perfectly. :]

Flow and word choice are spot on.

The only thing that detracts from the poem is in the last paragraph, when you stop writing "I'm" correctly.
Seriously, that's the only flaw that I see.

Fantastic job. :]
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:iconcoreypies:
thank you very much! :D
oops! ill fix that now XD loool

thank you! (:
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:iconatrophie:
Haha, you're very welcome. :]
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